I stole this from my friend Mary, who had it sent to her, probably by another Army Wife. My appreciation to the Army Wife that originally wrote this because whoever she is, she said what every Army Wife wants to say during a deployment but refrains from saying in an effort to be socially acceptable. If you know someone whose husband is deployed in the ARMY (because trust me, it is different than any other service as far as deployments go) please keep this little guide close at hand for reference. I added my own comments in pink....
1. "Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?"(This one ranks in at number one on the "duh" list. Of course we're afraid. We're terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of our minds ---but thanks brilliant, you just brought it back to the front. Maybe next you can go ask someone with cancer if they're scared of dying.)
2. "I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it."(This is intended to be a compliment. Though, its just a little annoying. Here's why: it's not like all of us military wives have been dreaming since childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We're not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.)
3. "At least he's not in Iraq."(This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands are in Afghanistan. What do they think is happening in Afghanistan? An international game of golf? Guys are fighting and dying over there. **In fact, most days in the Army are filled with a little trepidation. My husband jumps out of perfectly good planes on a regular basis, walks through swamps filled with venemous snakes where medical help is hours away, hangs from a rope attached to a helicopter in flight, and recently was injured by old ammunition exploding unexpectedly. And this is his state-side, not deployed, not dangerous job..... **
4. "Do you think he'll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc?"(Don't you watch the news? No! They don't get to come home for any of these things. Please don't ask again.)
5. "What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he's gone?"(Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there's a military wife out there who gets bored when her husband leaves, but I have yet to meet her. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don't get bored.)
6. "How much longer does he have until he can get out?"(This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren't counting down the days until they "can" get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back to Iraq b/c there is work that needs to be done.)
7. "This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it."(Sure, we do learn coping skills and its true the more deployments you've gone through, the easier dealing with it becomes. And we figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets "easy" and the bullets and bombs don't skip over our guys just because they've been there before. The worry never goes away.)
8. "My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you're going through."(This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband's three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. with a 12-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew comfortably on a commercial plane, slept between crisp white sheets and ate well, paying for everything with an expense account. There is no comparison. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks business trip is like comparing a crappy ford taurus with a Mercedes convertible.)
9. "Wow you must miss him"(This one also gets another big "duh". Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they're now divorced.)
10. "Where is he exactly? Where is that?"(I don't expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by now that it's in Iraq. Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr City is his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our country and that it is located between Afghanistan and Iraq. Our country has been at war in Afghanistan for seven years and at war in Iraq for five years. These basic facts are not secrets, they're on the news every night and in the papers every day ---and on maps everywhere.)
11. "Well, he signed up for it, so it's his own fault whatever happens over there.(Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn't sign up and ask to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that "You're welcome." He's still fighting for your freedom. ** In addition, I must add that the fact that my husband "signed up" and that thousands of others made this choice means that YOUR husband does not have to be drafted. We manage to avoid a draft because there are those who feel compelled to volunteer. You don't have to want to be in the Army but by all means, be thankful that someone does or you might HAVE to be in the Army**
12. "Don't you miss sex! I couldn't do it!"(hmmm, no i don't miss sex. i'm a robot. seriously...military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something greater than sex. We learn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night. And the hard truth is, most relationships probably couldn't withstand 12 months of sex deprivation.)
13. "Well in my opinion....."(Stop right there. I didn't ask for you your personal political opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the grocery store, not in Jamba Juice, not at Nordstrom, not when I'm out with my friends trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY NOT AT WORK. We tell co-workers about deployments so when we have to spend lunch hours running around doing errands and taking care of the house, dog, and kids, they have an understanding. We do not tell co-workers and colleagues because we are giving an invitation to ramble about politics or because we so eagerly want to hear how much they hate the President)
14. "OH, that's horrible...I'm so sorry!"(He's doing his job and he's good at it and proud of it. Don't be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our soldiers fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad.)
15. "You knew he was in the military when you married him, so you knew what you were getting into." (Just because I knew my husband was in the military, NOTHING can prepare you for how you are going to feel or react when you have to say goodbye to the love of your life w/o knowing whether or not he will return, or come home to an empty house everynight, raise two kids by yourself, witness each of their milestones with a smile and a tear because you wish he could see them too, make major life decisions by yourself or say everything you need to say in 2 minutes when he calls at 3am before the phone cuts out, go a year or more without even the comfort of holding your husbands hand or a good morning kiss................who is ever prepared for that!?!)
So there you go, everything you ever wanted to know about Army deployments in a small, easy to follow 15 point guide. It made me laugh and reminded me of the many times someone has made these comments to me. I generally go with the nod and smile, walk away response because it just isn't worth it most of the time. Hope this makes my Army Wife friends and all my friends and family who have stuck out the deployments and TDY's with me laugh too! :)
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